Comments on: “People listen to what we do not to what we say!!!” http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/2009/12/13/%e2%80%9cpeople-listen-to-what-we-do-not-to-what-we-say%e2%80%9d/ Leadership Engagement Expert & Board Advisor Sat, 28 Aug 2010 02:18:16 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Tapio Kymalainen http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/2009/12/13/%e2%80%9cpeople-listen-to-what-we-do-not-to-what-we-say%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-115 Tapio Kymalainen Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:49:50 +0000 http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/?p=135#comment-115 Very much to the point Didier. Couple of weeks ago I came across interesting research done at MIT related to this. They use sociometric badges to measure communication between people. (http://hd.media.mit.edu/badges/) Based on their research using those badges they concluded four different "honest signals". I'm afraid I can't now remember all those four, but one is activity level and another is mimicry (you touching your chin instead of neck). I understood that they can be labeled as honest signals because faking those takes cognitive resources that it is not possible to do it sustainably while being engaged in a conversation. Good news then is that if person changes he's or her's mindset, honest signals changes as well. I suppose that this is not the case you described in your posting. So for managers in a change process it meas that they need to change their mindset in order to have real change happening in organization. Very good writing Didier, it brought me new perspective how to apply this theory of honest signals in practice. Tapio Very much to the point Didier. Couple of weeks ago I came across interesting research done at MIT related to this. They use sociometric badges to measure communication between people. (http://hd.media.mit.edu/badges/)

Based on their research using those badges they concluded four different “honest signals”. I’m afraid I can’t now remember all those four, but one is activity level and another is mimicry (you touching your chin instead of neck). I understood that they can be labeled as honest signals because faking those takes cognitive resources that it is not possible to do it sustainably while being engaged in a conversation. Good news then is that if person changes he’s or her’s mindset, honest signals changes as well. I suppose that this is not the case you described in your posting.

So for managers in a change process it meas that they need to change their mindset in order to have real change happening in organization. Very good writing Didier, it brought me new perspective how to apply this theory of honest signals in practice.

Tapio

]]> By: Gaulia http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/2009/12/13/%e2%80%9cpeople-listen-to-what-we-do-not-to-what-we-say%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-113 Gaulia Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:18:51 +0000 http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/?p=135#comment-113 People follow behaviours - I have read this in your blog too! The "walk the talk" coherence is also a question of perception: what we do is much louder then what we say. And leaders are in the spotlight - the hole nation, the hole organization and the hole company are looking at them. They are role modelling examples and behaviours. Also, internal communication are just producing more and more information without a chance to make the dialogue really happens inside the companies and that´s why in my opinion acts and facts are much more stronger than words. Who is listening? A few ones. But who is watching, seeing, perceiving? Everybody! Great post! Best wishes for the new year! Gaulia http://employeecom.blogspot.com People follow behaviours – I have read this in your blog too! The “walk the talk” coherence is also a question of perception: what we do is much louder then what we say. And leaders are in the spotlight – the hole nation, the hole organization and the hole company are looking at them. They are role modelling examples and behaviours. Also, internal communication are just producing more and more information without a chance to make the dialogue really happens inside the companies and that´s why in my opinion acts and facts are much more stronger than words. Who is listening? A few ones. But who is watching, seeing, perceiving? Everybody!
Great post! Best wishes for the new year!
Gaulia
http://employeecom.blogspot.com

]]> By: Tweets that mention “People listen to what we do not to what we say!!!” -- Topsy.com http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/2009/12/13/%e2%80%9cpeople-listen-to-what-we-do-not-to-what-we-say%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-112 Tweets that mention “People listen to what we do not to what we say!!!” -- Topsy.com Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:06:00 +0000 http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/?p=135#comment-112 [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gerd Leonhard, Gerd Leonhard Daily. Gerd Leonhard Daily said: Totally right: Didier Marlier: "People listen to what we do not to what we say!!! http://ow.ly/LwHD [...] [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gerd Leonhard, Gerd Leonhard Daily. Gerd Leonhard Daily said: Totally right: Didier Marlier: "People listen to what we do not to what we say!!! http://ow.ly/LwHD [...]

]]> By: Marvin Faure http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/2009/12/13/%e2%80%9cpeople-listen-to-what-we-do-not-to-what-we-say%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-111 Marvin Faure Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:46:30 +0000 http://blog.enablersnetwork.com/?p=135#comment-111 I think you are absolutely right Didier, and this may be one of the biggest reasons why otherwise well-planned and executed change efforts don't reach their objectives. It is extremely hard to see yourself as others see you and even harder to change engrained behaviours, especially when they have worked well in the past. Many if not most executives got to where they are by the force of their personality, reinforced successively as they rise up the levels. It is pretty tough to admit that your behaviour has become counter-productive after years of working well: much easier to deny it and shoot the messenger! As you suggest, this usually doesn't imply a lack of sincerity but rather a genuine blind spot or even a psychological defense mechanism. To overcome this - essential if the change efforts are to be successful - someone has to hold up the mirror to the executives so that (a) they see themselves as they really are, (b) they commit to personal change and (c) they agree to a monitoring system to help them keep on track. The realities of organisational life are such that this usually needs to be done by outsiders. Love the blog - have a great Christmas break and look forward to new postings in January! I think you are absolutely right Didier, and this may be one of the biggest reasons why otherwise well-planned and executed change efforts don’t reach their objectives. It is extremely hard to see yourself as others see you and even harder to change engrained behaviours, especially when they have worked well in the past. Many if not most executives got to where they are by the force of their personality, reinforced successively as they rise up the levels. It is pretty tough to admit that your behaviour has become counter-productive after years of working well: much easier to deny it and shoot the messenger!
As you suggest, this usually doesn’t imply a lack of sincerity but rather a genuine blind spot or even a psychological defense mechanism. To overcome this – essential if the change efforts are to be successful – someone has to hold up the mirror to the executives so that (a) they see themselves as they really are, (b) they commit to personal change and (c) they agree to a monitoring system to help them keep on track. The realities of organisational life are such that this usually needs to be done by outsiders.
Love the blog – have a great Christmas break and look forward to new postings in January!

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